Lag Saam (002)
Lag Saam (002)

Lag saam

Van HermanH, uit Clean Laffs:

Die nuwe Florida-wapenwet sal bibliotekarisse toelaat om hulself te bewapen. Nou, in 'n verwante storie, is geselsery in Florida-biblioteke 99% minder. – Conan O'Brien

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Apple se nuwe futuristiese hoofkwartier, Apple Park in Cupertino, Kalifornië, het 'n paar probleme. Die gebou is gevul met soveel helder glas dat werknemers glo in glasmure ingestap het. Ek dink Apple moes nie Windows geïnstalleer het nie. – James Corden

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Van ManuB, uit De Druivelaar:

Twee blondines koop elkeen 'n perd, maar nou sit hulle met 'n probleem:

Hoe gaan hulle die perde uitmekaar ken as die in die veld wei? Hulle besluit om die stert van een van die perde kort te knip. Maar dit werk net vir 'n tyd lank. Later groei die stert natuurlik weer uit. Toe knip hulle die stert van die ander perd korter, maar dié groei toe ook mettertyd uit. Hulle konfereer toe ernstig oor die saak, en die een kom toe met 'n briljante voorstel: “Vat jy die bruine, dan vat ek die swarte!”

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Terwyl hulle op reis is, het 'n bejaarde egpaar by 'n Ultra City stilgehou. Na hulle al 'n ent weg is, kom die tannie toe agter dat sy haar bril op die tafel vergeet het. Boonop kon hulle toe nie dadelik omdraai nie. Sover hulle terugry, kla en kerm die oom oor die moeite wat die tannie hom aandoen.

Tot haar verligting kom hulle uiteindelik weer by die restaurant aan. Toe die tannie vinnig ingaan om haar bril te gaan soek, skree die oom agterna: “Terwyl jy daar is, kan jy net sowel vra vir my kierie en kredietkaart!”

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Republikein 2024-05-15

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Premier League: Tottenham Hotspur 0 vs 2 Manchester City | Aston Villa 3 vs 3 Liverpool | Manchester United 0 vs 1 Arsenal LaLiga: Sevilla 0 vs 1 Cadiz | Rayo Vallecano 2 vs 1 Granada | Girona 0 vs 1 Villarreal | Real Madrid 5 vs 0 Deportivo Alaves | Osasuna 1 vs 1 Mallorca | Barcelona 2 vs 0 Real Sociedad | Real Betis 3 vs 2 Almería | Valencia 0 vs 0 Rayo Vallecano | Atletico Madrid 1 vs 0 Celta Vigo | Cadiz 1 vs 0 Getafe SerieA: Fiorentina 2 vs 1 Monza | Lecce 0 vs 2 Udinese | Atalanta 2 vs 1 AS Roma | Juventus 1 vs 1 Salernitana | Genoa 2 vs 1 Sassuolo | Hellas Verona 1 vs 2 Torino | SS Lazio 2 vs 0 Empoli European Championships Qualifying: West Bromwich Albion 0 vs 0 Southampton | Norwich City 0 vs 0 Leeds United English Championship: West Bromwich Albion 0 vs 0 Southampton | Norwich City 0 vs 0 Leeds United Katima Mulilo: 12° | 30° Rundu: 11° | 29° Eenhana: 14° | 31° Oshakati: 14° | 30° Ruacana: 14° | 30° Tsumeb: 14° | 28° Otjiwarongo: 11° | 26° Omaruru: 14° | 29° Windhoek: 12° | 25° Gobabis: 14° | 25° Henties Bay: 19° | 34° Wind speed: 27km/h, Wind direction: SE, Low tide: 03:18, High tide: 09:17, Low Tide: 15:19, High tide: 22:12 Swakopmund: 19° | 26° Wind speed: 20km/h, Wind direction: SW, Low tide: 03:16, High tide: 09:15, Low Tide: 15:17, High tide: 22:10 Walvis Bay: 23° | 35° Wind speed: 25km/h, Wind direction: SW, Low tide: 03:16, High tide: 09:14, Low Tide: 15:17, High tide: 22:09 Rehoboth: 13° | 26° Mariental: 16° | 28° Keetmanshoop: 19° | 28° Aranos: 15° | 28° Lüderitz: 20° | 36° Ariamsvlei: 19° | 31° Oranjemund: 16° | 29° Luanda: 24° | 28° Gaborone: 15° | 28° Lubumbashi: 11° | 27° Mbabane: 13° | 25° Maseru: 10° | 25° Antananarivo: 14° | 22° Lilongwe: 14° | 27° Maputo: 17° | 28° Windhoek: 12° | 25° Cape Town: 15° | 22° Durban: 17° | 25° Johannesburg: 15° | 24° Dar es Salaam: 23° | 31° Lusaka: 15° | 25° Harare: 12° | 25° Currency: GBP to NAD 23.12 | EUR to NAD 19.87 | CNY to NAD 2.53 | USD to NAD 18.27 | DZD to NAD 0.14 | AOA to NAD 0.02 | BWP to NAD 1.3 | EGP to NAD 0.38 | KES to NAD 0.14 | NGN to NAD 0.01 | ZMW to NAD 0.72 | ZWL to NAD 0.04 | BRL to NAD 3.58 | RUB to NAD 0.2 | INR to NAD 0.22 | USD to DZD 134.2 | USD to AOA 834.06 | USD to BWP 13.56 | USD to EGP 46.78 | USD to KES 129.98 | USD to NGN 1519 | USD to ZAR 18.27 | USD to ZMW 25.05 | USD to ZWL 321 | Stock Exchange: JSE All Share Index 78632.56 Down -0.07% | Namibian Stock Exchange (NSX) Overall Index 1710.9 Down -2.52% | Casablanca Stock Exchange (CSE) MASI 13421.4 Down -0.59% | Egyptian Exchange (EGX) 30 Index 25316.08 Down -0.09% | Botswana Stock Exchange (BSE) DCI 9151.06 Same 0 | NSX: MTC 7.75 SAME | Anirep 8.99 SAME | Capricorn Investment group 17.34 SAME | FirstRand Namibia Ltd 49 DOWN 0.50% | Letshego Holdings (Namibia) Ltd 4.1 UP 2.50% | Namibia Asset Management Ltd 0.7 SAME | Namibia Breweries Ltd 31.49 UP 0.03% | Nictus Holdings - Nam 2.22 SAME | Oryx Properties Ltd 12.1 UP 1.70% | Paratus Namibia Holdings 11.99 SAME | SBN Holdings 8.45 SAME | Trustco Group Holdings Ltd 0.48 SAME | B2Gold Corporation 47.34 DOWN 1.50% | Local Index closed 677.62 UP 0.12% | Overall Index closed 1534.6 DOWN 0.05% | Osino Resources Corp 19.47 DOWN 2.41% | Commodities: Gold US$ 2 387.27/OZ UP +1.33% | Copper US$ 4.89/lb UP +0.18% | Zinc US$ 2 996.80/T UP 0.23% | Brent Crude Oil US$ 83.33/BBP UP +0.19% | Platinum US$ 1 065.39/OZ UP +2.07% Sport results: Premier League: Tottenham Hotspur 0 vs 2 Manchester City | Aston Villa 3 vs 3 Liverpool | Manchester United 0 vs 1 Arsenal LaLiga: Sevilla 0 vs 1 Cadiz | Rayo Vallecano 2 vs 1 Granada | Girona 0 vs 1 Villarreal | Real Madrid 5 vs 0 Deportivo Alaves | Osasuna 1 vs 1 Mallorca | Barcelona 2 vs 0 Real Sociedad | Real Betis 3 vs 2 Almería | Valencia 0 vs 0 Rayo Vallecano | Atletico Madrid 1 vs 0 Celta Vigo | Cadiz 1 vs 0 Getafe SerieA: Fiorentina 2 vs 1 Monza | Lecce 0 vs 2 Udinese | Atalanta 2 vs 1 AS Roma | Juventus 1 vs 1 Salernitana | Genoa 2 vs 1 Sassuolo | Hellas Verona 1 vs 2 Torino | SS Lazio 2 vs 0 Empoli European Championships Qualifying: West Bromwich Albion 0 vs 0 Southampton | Norwich City 0 vs 0 Leeds United English Championship: West Bromwich Albion 0 vs 0 Southampton | Norwich City 0 vs 0 Leeds United Weather: Katima Mulilo: 12° | 30° Rundu: 11° | 29° Eenhana: 14° | 31° Oshakati: 14° | 30° Ruacana: 14° | 30° Tsumeb: 14° | 28° Otjiwarongo: 11° | 26° Omaruru: 14° | 29° Windhoek: 12° | 25° Gobabis: 14° | 25° Henties Bay: 19° | 34° Wind speed: 27km/h, Wind direction: SE, Low tide: 03:18, High tide: 09:17, Low Tide: 15:19, High tide: 22:12 Swakopmund: 19° | 26° Wind speed: 20km/h, Wind direction: SW, Low tide: 03:16, High tide: 09:15, Low Tide: 15:17, High tide: 22:10 Walvis Bay: 23° | 35° Wind speed: 25km/h, Wind direction: SW, Low tide: 03:16, High tide: 09:14, Low Tide: 15:17, High tide: 22:09 Rehoboth: 13° | 26° Mariental: 16° | 28° Keetmanshoop: 19° | 28° Aranos: 15° | 28° Lüderitz: 20° | 36° Ariamsvlei: 19° | 31° Oranjemund: 16° | 29° Luanda: 24° | 28° Gaborone: 15° | 28° Lubumbashi: 11° | 27° Mbabane: 13° | 25° Maseru: 10° | 25° Antananarivo: 14° | 22° Lilongwe: 14° | 27° Maputo: 17° | 28° Windhoek: 12° | 25° Cape Town: 15° | 22° Durban: 17° | 25° Johannesburg: 15° | 24° Dar es Salaam: 23° | 31° Lusaka: 15° | 25° Harare: 12° | 25° Economic Indicators: Currency: GBP to NAD 23.12 | EUR to NAD 19.87 | CNY to NAD 2.53 | USD to NAD 18.27 | DZD to NAD 0.14 | AOA to NAD 0.02 | BWP to NAD 1.3 | EGP to NAD 0.38 | KES to NAD 0.14 | NGN to NAD 0.01 | ZMW to NAD 0.72 | ZWL to NAD 0.04 | BRL to NAD 3.58 | RUB to NAD 0.2 | INR to NAD 0.22 | USD to DZD 134.2 | USD to AOA 834.06 | USD to BWP 13.56 | USD to EGP 46.78 | USD to KES 129.98 | USD to NGN 1519 | USD to ZAR 18.27 | USD to ZMW 25.05 | USD to ZWL 321 | Stock Exchange: JSE All Share Index 78632.56 Down -0.07% | Namibian Stock Exchange (NSX) Overall Index 1710.9 Down -2.52% | Casablanca Stock Exchange (CSE) MASI 13421.4 Down -0.59% | Egyptian Exchange (EGX) 30 Index 25316.08 Down -0.09% | Botswana Stock Exchange (BSE) DCI 9151.06 Same 0 | NSX: MTC 7.75 SAME | Anirep 8.99 SAME | Capricorn Investment group 17.34 SAME | FirstRand Namibia Ltd 49 DOWN 0.50% | Letshego Holdings (Namibia) Ltd 4.1 UP 2.50% | Namibia Asset Management Ltd 0.7 SAME | Namibia Breweries Ltd 31.49 UP 0.03% | Nictus Holdings - Nam 2.22 SAME | Oryx Properties Ltd 12.1 UP 1.70% | Paratus Namibia Holdings 11.99 SAME | SBN Holdings 8.45 SAME | Trustco Group Holdings Ltd 0.48 SAME | B2Gold Corporation 47.34 DOWN 1.50% | Local Index closed 677.62 UP 0.12% | Overall Index closed 1534.6 DOWN 0.05% | Osino Resources Corp 19.47 DOWN 2.41% | Commodities: Gold US$ 2 387.27/OZ UP +1.33% | Copper US$ 4.89/lb UP +0.18% | Zinc US$ 2 996.80/T UP 0.23% | Brent Crude Oil US$ 83.33/BBP UP +0.19% | Platinum US$ 1 065.39/OZ UP +2.07%