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Lag saam

Van HermanH, uit Clean Laffs:

Die huiswerkopdrag vir my Spaanse klas was om ’n paragraaf te skryf. Toe ek hul vraestelle terugbesorg het, het ek een student gevra of hy Google translate of enige ander aanlyn vertaler gebruik het om sy paragraaf te skryf. Hy het dit kategories ontken. Dit het gelei tot my volgende vraag: “Hoekom is hierdie paragraaf dan in Frans?”

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“n Matador in Spanje word ondersoek nadat ’n video opgeduik het van hom wat ’n stiergeveg hou terwyl hy sy vyf maande oue babadogtertjie in sy arms vashou. Maar om eerlik te wees, dit was “Neem jou dogter werk toe”. – Seth Meyers

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In ’n kroeg: Koos: “Jy het dus ’n baie stil leefwyse tuis, Harry?” Harry: “Ja, maar dit kan alles baie onverwags verander.” Koos: “Hoe so?” Harry: “My vrou kan dalk weer met my begin praat.”

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Nog ’n man en ek deel ’n sluitkassie by die werk. Toe ek sien dis ’n kombinasieslot, wonder ek wat die kode sal wees. My maat sê hy sal besluit op iets en die volgende dag vir my ’n briefie los. Maar wat van die sekuriteit? Ek was verniet bekommerd. Toe ek by die werk kom kry ek ’n briefie: “Die kombinasie: Eerste syfer, trek 142 af van jou hoogste telling toe ons gaan pinball speel het. Die tweede syfer is 16 minder as dit. Om die derde syfer te kry, trek R187 af van die bedrag wat jy my skuld.”

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Grappies uit makeitclearnow.org:

In die ou dae voor predikante mikrofone gehad het, kry hierdie predikant toe ’n lapelmikrofoon. Hy is ’n ywerige prediker en loop heen en weer, en pluk-pluk aan die kabel soos hy rondstap. Naderhand vra 'n dogtertjie aan haar ma: “As hy loskom, sal hy ons seermaak?”

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Republikein 2024-04-25

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Premier League: Manchester United 4 vs 2 Sheffield United | Everton 2 vs 0 Liverpool | Crystal Palace 2 vs 0 Newcastle | Wolves 0 vs 1 Bournemouth | Arsenal 5 vs 0 Chelsea LaLiga: Sevilla 2 vs 1 Mallorca SerieA: AC Milan 1 vs 2 Inter Milan | AS Roma 1 vs 3 Bologna European Championships Qualifying: Coventry City 2 vs 3 Hull City | Leicester City 5 vs 0 Southampton | Middlesbrough 3 vs 4 Leeds United English Championship: Coventry City 2 vs 3 Hull City | Leicester City 5 vs 0 Southampton | Middlesbrough 3 vs 4 Leeds United Katima Mulilo: 15° | 34° Rundu: 15° | 34° Eenhana: 15° | 35° Oshakati: 17° | 34° Ruacana: 17° | 35° Tsumeb: 18° | 33° Otjiwarongo: 14° | 31° Omaruru: 17° | 34° Windhoek: 15° | 29° Gobabis: 17° | 31° Henties Bay: 15° | 21° Wind speed: 22km/h, Wind direction: S, Low tide: 10:02, High tide: 04:02, Low Tide: 22:08, High tide: 16:27 Swakopmund: 15° | 16° Wind speed: 27km/h, Wind direction: SW, Low tide: 10:00, High tide: 04:00, Low Tide: 22:06, High tide: 16:25 Walvis Bay: 15° | 23° Wind speed: 35km/h, Wind direction: SW, Low tide: 10:00, High tide: 03:59, Low Tide: 22:06, High tide: 16:24 Rehoboth: 16° | 31° Mariental: 19° | 32° Keetmanshoop: 19° | 32° Aranos: 20° | 33° Lüderitz: 14° | 25° Ariamsvlei: 18° | 31° Oranjemund: 14° | 21° Luanda: 26° | 29° Gaborone: 18° | 31° Lubumbashi: 12° | 26° Mbabane: 15° | 20° Maseru: 12° | 26° Antananarivo: 14° | 26° Lilongwe: 14° | 27° Maputo: 20° | 27° Windhoek: 15° | 29° Cape Town: 16° | 24° Durban: 18° | 23° Johannesburg: 18° | 25° Dar es Salaam: 23° | 26° Lusaka: 18° | 29° Harare: 15° | 29° Currency: GBP to NAD 23.75 | EUR to NAD 20.4 | CNY to NAD 2.63 | USD to NAD 19.05 | DZD to NAD 0.14 | AOA to NAD 0.02 | BWP to NAD 1.34 | EGP to NAD 0.39 | KES to NAD 0.14 | NGN to NAD 0.01 | ZMW to NAD 0.72 | ZWL to NAD 0.04 | BRL to NAD 3.72 | RUB to NAD 0.21 | INR to NAD 0.23 | USD to DZD 134.41 | USD to AOA 834.06 | USD to BWP 13.85 | USD to EGP 47.85 | USD to KES 134.48 | USD to NGN 1277.03 | USD to ZAR 19.04 | USD to ZMW 26.4 | USD to ZWL 321 | Stock Exchange: JSE All Share Index 74513.94 Up +0.68% | Namibian Stock Exchange (NSX) Overall Index 1545.38 Up +1.53% | Casablanca Stock Exchange (CSE) MASI 13281.24 Up +0.26% | Egyptian Exchange (EGX) 30 Index 25917.59 Down -3.21% | Botswana Stock Exchange (BSE) DCI Same 0 | NSX: MTC 7.75 SAME | Anirep 8.99 SAME | Capricorn Investment group 17.34 SAME | FirstRand Namibia Ltd 49 DOWN 0.50% | Letshego Holdings (Namibia) Ltd 4.1 UP 2.50% | Namibia Asset Management Ltd 0.7 SAME | Namibia Breweries Ltd 31.49 UP 0.03% | Nictus Holdings - Nam 2.22 SAME | Oryx Properties Ltd 12.1 UP 1.70% | Paratus Namibia Holdings 11.99 SAME | SBN Holdings 8.45 SAME | Trustco Group Holdings Ltd 0.48 SAME | B2Gold Corporation 47.34 DOWN 1.50% | Local Index closed 677.62 UP 0.12% | Overall Index closed 1534.6 DOWN 0.05% | Osino Resources Corp 19.47 DOWN 2.41% | Commodities: Gold US$ 2 323.82/OZ UP +0.32% | Copper US$ 4.50/lb UP +1.39% | Zinc US$ 2 869.60/T UP 2.25% | Brent Crude Oil US$ 87.28/BBP DOWN -0.0082 | Platinum US$ 901.07/OZ DOWN -0.0012 Sport results: Premier League: Manchester United 4 vs 2 Sheffield United | Everton 2 vs 0 Liverpool | Crystal Palace 2 vs 0 Newcastle | Wolves 0 vs 1 Bournemouth | Arsenal 5 vs 0 Chelsea LaLiga: Sevilla 2 vs 1 Mallorca SerieA: AC Milan 1 vs 2 Inter Milan | AS Roma 1 vs 3 Bologna European Championships Qualifying: Coventry City 2 vs 3 Hull City | Leicester City 5 vs 0 Southampton | Middlesbrough 3 vs 4 Leeds United English Championship: Coventry City 2 vs 3 Hull City | Leicester City 5 vs 0 Southampton | Middlesbrough 3 vs 4 Leeds United Weather: Katima Mulilo: 15° | 34° Rundu: 15° | 34° Eenhana: 15° | 35° Oshakati: 17° | 34° Ruacana: 17° | 35° Tsumeb: 18° | 33° Otjiwarongo: 14° | 31° Omaruru: 17° | 34° Windhoek: 15° | 29° Gobabis: 17° | 31° Henties Bay: 15° | 21° Wind speed: 22km/h, Wind direction: S, Low tide: 10:02, High tide: 04:02, Low Tide: 22:08, High tide: 16:27 Swakopmund: 15° | 16° Wind speed: 27km/h, Wind direction: SW, Low tide: 10:00, High tide: 04:00, Low Tide: 22:06, High tide: 16:25 Walvis Bay: 15° | 23° Wind speed: 35km/h, Wind direction: SW, Low tide: 10:00, High tide: 03:59, Low Tide: 22:06, High tide: 16:24 Rehoboth: 16° | 31° Mariental: 19° | 32° Keetmanshoop: 19° | 32° Aranos: 20° | 33° Lüderitz: 14° | 25° Ariamsvlei: 18° | 31° Oranjemund: 14° | 21° Luanda: 26° | 29° Gaborone: 18° | 31° Lubumbashi: 12° | 26° Mbabane: 15° | 20° Maseru: 12° | 26° Antananarivo: 14° | 26° Lilongwe: 14° | 27° Maputo: 20° | 27° Windhoek: 15° | 29° Cape Town: 16° | 24° Durban: 18° | 23° Johannesburg: 18° | 25° Dar es Salaam: 23° | 26° Lusaka: 18° | 29° Harare: 15° | 29° Economic Indicators: Currency: GBP to NAD 23.75 | EUR to NAD 20.4 | CNY to NAD 2.63 | USD to NAD 19.05 | DZD to NAD 0.14 | AOA to NAD 0.02 | BWP to NAD 1.34 | EGP to NAD 0.39 | KES to NAD 0.14 | NGN to NAD 0.01 | ZMW to NAD 0.72 | ZWL to NAD 0.04 | BRL to NAD 3.72 | RUB to NAD 0.21 | INR to NAD 0.23 | USD to DZD 134.41 | USD to AOA 834.06 | USD to BWP 13.85 | USD to EGP 47.85 | USD to KES 134.48 | USD to NGN 1277.03 | USD to ZAR 19.04 | USD to ZMW 26.4 | USD to ZWL 321 | Stock Exchange: JSE All Share Index 74513.94 Up +0.68% | Namibian Stock Exchange (NSX) Overall Index 1545.38 Up +1.53% | Casablanca Stock Exchange (CSE) MASI 13281.24 Up +0.26% | Egyptian Exchange (EGX) 30 Index 25917.59 Down -3.21% | Botswana Stock Exchange (BSE) DCI Same 0 | NSX: MTC 7.75 SAME | Anirep 8.99 SAME | Capricorn Investment group 17.34 SAME | FirstRand Namibia Ltd 49 DOWN 0.50% | Letshego Holdings (Namibia) Ltd 4.1 UP 2.50% | Namibia Asset Management Ltd 0.7 SAME | Namibia Breweries Ltd 31.49 UP 0.03% | Nictus Holdings - Nam 2.22 SAME | Oryx Properties Ltd 12.1 UP 1.70% | Paratus Namibia Holdings 11.99 SAME | SBN Holdings 8.45 SAME | Trustco Group Holdings Ltd 0.48 SAME | B2Gold Corporation 47.34 DOWN 1.50% | Local Index closed 677.62 UP 0.12% | Overall Index closed 1534.6 DOWN 0.05% | Osino Resources Corp 19.47 DOWN 2.41% | Commodities: Gold US$ 2 323.82/OZ UP +0.32% | Copper US$ 4.50/lb UP +1.39% | Zinc US$ 2 869.60/T UP 2.25% | Brent Crude Oil US$ 87.28/BBP DOWN -0.0082 | Platinum US$ 901.07/OZ DOWN -0.0012