Lag Saam (002)
Lag Saam (002)

Lag saam

Februarie 2011: Grappe destyds deur wyle Fanus Rautenbach:

Die vrou is in haar rok ingegiet . . . hulle het net vergeet om op te hou.

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Ek ry een oggend vanaf Warmbad na Pretoria. Kort-kort druk iemand voor my in en dan val ek maar terug en gee die ou die plek. Toe ek weer sien, is ek terug in Warmbad. . .

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Koos kom die oggend laat by die werk. Sy baas keer hom voor en sê: “Jy's 'n halfuur laat!” waarop Koos antwoord: “Toemaar Meneer, ek sal vanmiddag 'n halfuur vroeër loop. . .”

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Op “Flink uit die Vere” se sewende verjaardag vra hulle my wat wil ek eendag as grafskrif hê. Ek antwoord: “Hier lê Fanus. Vir die eerste keer in sy lewe is hy dood. . . ernstig.”

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Anna Neethling-Pohl was net so erg oor Afrikaans – darem nie so erg soos ek nie. Toe vra ons vir haar wat dan van woorde wat nooit sal uitsterf nie, soos oukei en orraait. Sy was reg met ´n antwoord: “Oukei is orraait, maar orraait is nie oukei nie.”

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Van HermanH, uit Clean Laffs:

Sielkundiges glo nou dat volwassenheid by 25 'n aanvang neem, nie 18 nie. Hulle glo ook dat die middeljare begin sodra jy by 'n Kentucky Fried Chicken-kitskos eet terwyl jy nugter is. – Conan O'Brien

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Die Amerikaanse regering het 'n nuwe webwerf bekend gestel. Dit voorspel jou finansiële waarde nadat jy gegradueer het. Dit gee jou 'n syfer en sê jou by watter Starbucks jy sal werk en vir hoe lank. – Conan O'Brien

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LaLiga: Deportivo Alaves 1 vs 0 Getafe | Real Sociedad 1 vs 0 Valencia | Almería 0 vs 2 Barcelona | Las Palmas 2 vs 2 Real Betis SerieA: Torino 3 vs 1 AC Milan | Lecce 0 vs 2 Atalanta | Fiorentina 2 vs 2 Napoli European Championships Qualifying: Southampton 3 vs 1 West Bromwich Albion | Leeds United 4 vs 0 Norwich City English Championship: Southampton 3 vs 1 West Bromwich Albion | Leeds United 4 vs 0 Norwich City Katima Mulilo: 11° | 31° Rundu: 9° | 30° Eenhana: 11° | 31° Oshakati: 12° | 31° Ruacana: 12° | 31° Tsumeb: 13° | 29° Otjiwarongo: 12° | 27° Omaruru: 14° | 29° Windhoek: 12° | 26° Gobabis: 13° | 27° Henties Bay: 20° | 36° Wind speed: 27km/h, Wind direction: E, Low tide: 07:06, High tide: 13:28, Low Tide: 19:06, High tide: 01:31 Swakopmund: 20° | 26° Wind speed: 25km/h, Wind direction: S, Low tide: 07:04, High tide: 13:26, Low Tide: 19:04, High tide: 01:29 Walvis Bay: 22° | 33° Wind speed: 25km/h, Wind direction: SE, Low tide: 07:04, High tide: 13:25, Low Tide: 19:04, High tide: 01:28 Rehoboth: 12° | 27° Mariental: 15° | 29° Keetmanshoop: 18° | 30° Aranos: 15° | 29° Lüderitz: 16° | 35° Ariamsvlei: 18° | 32° Oranjemund: 13° | 33° Luanda: 24° | 26° Gaborone: 14° | 27° Lubumbashi: 11° | 26° Mbabane: 12° | 25° Maseru: 8° | 24° Antananarivo: 15° | 22° Lilongwe: 13° | 26° Maputo: 20° | 27° Windhoek: 12° | 26° Cape Town: 14° | 21° Durban: 17° | 28° Johannesburg: 15° | 24° Dar es Salaam: 24° | 32° Lusaka: 13° | 25° Harare: 12° | 26° Currency: GBP to NAD 23.01 | EUR to NAD 19.73 | CNY to NAD 2.51 | USD to NAD 18.15 | DZD to NAD 0.13 | AOA to NAD 0.02 | BWP to NAD 1.3 | EGP to NAD 0.38 | KES to NAD 0.14 | NGN to NAD 0.01 | ZMW to NAD 0.7 | ZWL to NAD 0.04 | BRL to NAD 3.55 | RUB to NAD 0.2 | INR to NAD 0.22 | USD to DZD 134.35 | USD to AOA 847.42 | USD to BWP 13.49 | USD to EGP 46.86 | USD to KES 130.48 | USD to NGN 1467 | USD to ZAR 18.15 | USD to ZMW 25.45 | USD to ZWL 321 | Stock Exchange: JSE All Share Index 79530.63 Up +0.03% | Namibian Stock Exchange (NSX) Overall Index 1754.58 Up +0.81% | Casablanca Stock Exchange (CSE) MASI 13426.13 Up +0.11% | Egyptian Exchange (EGX) 30 Index 26142.84 Up +3.27% | Botswana Stock Exchange (BSE) DCI 9151.06 Same 0 | NSX: MTC 7.75 SAME | Anirep 8.99 SAME | Capricorn Investment group 17.34 SAME | FirstRand Namibia Ltd 49 DOWN 0.50% | Letshego Holdings (Namibia) Ltd 4.1 UP 2.50% | Namibia Asset Management Ltd 0.7 SAME | Namibia Breweries Ltd 31.49 UP 0.03% | Nictus Holdings - Nam 2.22 SAME | Oryx Properties Ltd 12.1 UP 1.70% | Paratus Namibia Holdings 11.99 SAME | SBN Holdings 8.45 SAME | Trustco Group Holdings Ltd 0.48 SAME | B2Gold Corporation 47.34 DOWN 1.50% | Local Index closed 677.62 UP 0.12% | Overall Index closed 1534.6 DOWN 0.05% | Osino Resources Corp 19.47 DOWN 2.41% | Commodities: Gold US$ 2 414.72/OZ UP +1.55% | Copper US$ 5.04/lb UP +4.12% | Zinc US$ 3 059.30/T UP 0.11% | Brent Crude Oil US$ 84.28/BBP UP +0.60% | Platinum US$ 1 084.88/OZ UP +2.19% Sport results: LaLiga: Deportivo Alaves 1 vs 0 Getafe | Real Sociedad 1 vs 0 Valencia | Almería 0 vs 2 Barcelona | Las Palmas 2 vs 2 Real Betis SerieA: Torino 3 vs 1 AC Milan | Lecce 0 vs 2 Atalanta | Fiorentina 2 vs 2 Napoli European Championships Qualifying: Southampton 3 vs 1 West Bromwich Albion | Leeds United 4 vs 0 Norwich City English Championship: Southampton 3 vs 1 West Bromwich Albion | Leeds United 4 vs 0 Norwich City Weather: Katima Mulilo: 11° | 31° Rundu: 9° | 30° Eenhana: 11° | 31° Oshakati: 12° | 31° Ruacana: 12° | 31° Tsumeb: 13° | 29° Otjiwarongo: 12° | 27° Omaruru: 14° | 29° Windhoek: 12° | 26° Gobabis: 13° | 27° Henties Bay: 20° | 36° Wind speed: 27km/h, Wind direction: E, Low tide: 07:06, High tide: 13:28, Low Tide: 19:06, High tide: 01:31 Swakopmund: 20° | 26° Wind speed: 25km/h, Wind direction: S, Low tide: 07:04, High tide: 13:26, Low Tide: 19:04, High tide: 01:29 Walvis Bay: 22° | 33° Wind speed: 25km/h, Wind direction: SE, Low tide: 07:04, High tide: 13:25, Low Tide: 19:04, High tide: 01:28 Rehoboth: 12° | 27° Mariental: 15° | 29° Keetmanshoop: 18° | 30° Aranos: 15° | 29° Lüderitz: 16° | 35° Ariamsvlei: 18° | 32° Oranjemund: 13° | 33° Luanda: 24° | 26° Gaborone: 14° | 27° Lubumbashi: 11° | 26° Mbabane: 12° | 25° Maseru: 8° | 24° Antananarivo: 15° | 22° Lilongwe: 13° | 26° Maputo: 20° | 27° Windhoek: 12° | 26° Cape Town: 14° | 21° Durban: 17° | 28° Johannesburg: 15° | 24° Dar es Salaam: 24° | 32° Lusaka: 13° | 25° Harare: 12° | 26° Economic Indicators: Currency: GBP to NAD 23.01 | EUR to NAD 19.73 | CNY to NAD 2.51 | USD to NAD 18.15 | DZD to NAD 0.13 | AOA to NAD 0.02 | BWP to NAD 1.3 | EGP to NAD 0.38 | KES to NAD 0.14 | NGN to NAD 0.01 | ZMW to NAD 0.7 | ZWL to NAD 0.04 | BRL to NAD 3.55 | RUB to NAD 0.2 | INR to NAD 0.22 | USD to DZD 134.35 | USD to AOA 847.42 | USD to BWP 13.49 | USD to EGP 46.86 | USD to KES 130.48 | USD to NGN 1467 | USD to ZAR 18.15 | USD to ZMW 25.45 | USD to ZWL 321 | Stock Exchange: JSE All Share Index 79530.63 Up +0.03% | Namibian Stock Exchange (NSX) Overall Index 1754.58 Up +0.81% | Casablanca Stock Exchange (CSE) MASI 13426.13 Up +0.11% | Egyptian Exchange (EGX) 30 Index 26142.84 Up +3.27% | Botswana Stock Exchange (BSE) DCI 9151.06 Same 0 | NSX: MTC 7.75 SAME | Anirep 8.99 SAME | Capricorn Investment group 17.34 SAME | FirstRand Namibia Ltd 49 DOWN 0.50% | Letshego Holdings (Namibia) Ltd 4.1 UP 2.50% | Namibia Asset Management Ltd 0.7 SAME | Namibia Breweries Ltd 31.49 UP 0.03% | Nictus Holdings - Nam 2.22 SAME | Oryx Properties Ltd 12.1 UP 1.70% | Paratus Namibia Holdings 11.99 SAME | SBN Holdings 8.45 SAME | Trustco Group Holdings Ltd 0.48 SAME | B2Gold Corporation 47.34 DOWN 1.50% | Local Index closed 677.62 UP 0.12% | Overall Index closed 1534.6 DOWN 0.05% | Osino Resources Corp 19.47 DOWN 2.41% | Commodities: Gold US$ 2 414.72/OZ UP +1.55% | Copper US$ 5.04/lb UP +4.12% | Zinc US$ 3 059.30/T UP 0.11% | Brent Crude Oil US$ 84.28/BBP UP +0.60% | Platinum US$ 1 084.88/OZ UP +2.19%