The healing rollercoaster
Ester Kamati
Healing is the most inconsistent thing in the world. It’s a winding road of all the emotions you are trying to avoid and will stare you in the face when all you want to do is run.
All the thoughts you try to distract yourself from seem to follow you. Suddenly there are love songs playing everywhere, be it the shop or taxi, the scenes on TV are just a bit too relatable and memes all over the ‘Gram seem to depict your exact conundrum.
Pain has no respect for anybody, their plans or even their character. I know because I am one of the least emotional people among my clan (friends and family) and they don’t miss a chance to remind me. But regardless of how you think you can tame your emotions, pain has a way of hitting you hard when you least expect it and evoking emotion out of you that you didn’t think was possible.
Healing from this pain is a whole different experience. The universe will get you to confront whatever you are healing from in any way possible and, most of the time, it does not play fair. The option of avoiding the process is just about impossible and a distraction only lasts so long before your eyes disrespect you enough to shed the secret you are trying to hide in a public space.
The process of healing is funny in that it doesn’t just go one way. It could take you days, weeks or even months before you feel the slightest bit like yourself again. There will be days when the things you love most will be among the things you hate to encounter. This is not because you love them any less but because you shared the love you have for them with someone who is the cause of your current pain.
Something as easy as getting out of bed may seem the most dreadful task in the world; not to mention having to interact with other humans like everything is perfectly normal.
Healing will have you feeling like you can move the figurative mountain today and tomorrow struggle to lift even a glass of water to your own mouth. There are days when you survive, days when you are just ‘okay’ and days when you feel like you have reached a new low and also days when you feel the sun on your face and everything is almost back to normal. But just when you think it’s over and you can finally move on, you can easily go from 100 right back to a zero in no time.
It’s almost like you’ve been given a mere taste of what it looks like on the other side of the hurdle just to wake up and get slapped by the reality that the race has not yet begun.
One thing I have learnt about the healing process is that it does not go by our rules. At times when you most want to be swallowed by the earth is when you will be put on a stage. The days when there is a major pain in your chest are the days that you need to get up and take on the world. I guess that is the lesson it intends to teach us - that on the most difficult days, we owe it to ourselves to get up and out of the slump we are in and show what we are made of.
Whenever you are going through a rough patch, it is worth noting that you only get stronger from it, even though you want to send whatever strength is coming to hell in that moment.
Eventually, you will breathe again. You will get up and you will rise above it, and that will be the best feeling. It’s easy to get burnt by the same flame again, but keep that pain at the back of your mind and remind yourself of how much it took to rise from the ashes you had been reduced to before. Head held high, you will be able to decline what looks convincing for your own piece of mind and self-protection. Sometimes it’s not worth it, and it’s best to come to that realisation before you get burnt again.
- [email protected]
Healing is the most inconsistent thing in the world. It’s a winding road of all the emotions you are trying to avoid and will stare you in the face when all you want to do is run.
All the thoughts you try to distract yourself from seem to follow you. Suddenly there are love songs playing everywhere, be it the shop or taxi, the scenes on TV are just a bit too relatable and memes all over the ‘Gram seem to depict your exact conundrum.
Pain has no respect for anybody, their plans or even their character. I know because I am one of the least emotional people among my clan (friends and family) and they don’t miss a chance to remind me. But regardless of how you think you can tame your emotions, pain has a way of hitting you hard when you least expect it and evoking emotion out of you that you didn’t think was possible.
Healing from this pain is a whole different experience. The universe will get you to confront whatever you are healing from in any way possible and, most of the time, it does not play fair. The option of avoiding the process is just about impossible and a distraction only lasts so long before your eyes disrespect you enough to shed the secret you are trying to hide in a public space.
The process of healing is funny in that it doesn’t just go one way. It could take you days, weeks or even months before you feel the slightest bit like yourself again. There will be days when the things you love most will be among the things you hate to encounter. This is not because you love them any less but because you shared the love you have for them with someone who is the cause of your current pain.
Something as easy as getting out of bed may seem the most dreadful task in the world; not to mention having to interact with other humans like everything is perfectly normal.
Healing will have you feeling like you can move the figurative mountain today and tomorrow struggle to lift even a glass of water to your own mouth. There are days when you survive, days when you are just ‘okay’ and days when you feel like you have reached a new low and also days when you feel the sun on your face and everything is almost back to normal. But just when you think it’s over and you can finally move on, you can easily go from 100 right back to a zero in no time.
It’s almost like you’ve been given a mere taste of what it looks like on the other side of the hurdle just to wake up and get slapped by the reality that the race has not yet begun.
One thing I have learnt about the healing process is that it does not go by our rules. At times when you most want to be swallowed by the earth is when you will be put on a stage. The days when there is a major pain in your chest are the days that you need to get up and take on the world. I guess that is the lesson it intends to teach us - that on the most difficult days, we owe it to ourselves to get up and out of the slump we are in and show what we are made of.
Whenever you are going through a rough patch, it is worth noting that you only get stronger from it, even though you want to send whatever strength is coming to hell in that moment.
Eventually, you will breathe again. You will get up and you will rise above it, and that will be the best feeling. It’s easy to get burnt by the same flame again, but keep that pain at the back of your mind and remind yourself of how much it took to rise from the ashes you had been reduced to before. Head held high, you will be able to decline what looks convincing for your own piece of mind and self-protection. Sometimes it’s not worth it, and it’s best to come to that realisation before you get burnt again.
- [email protected]
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